1am Feeding

  Emily woke up at 1am last night for a feeding. Doug was on midnight shift so he was at work. I went to the crib which is in the living room next to our bedroom until she starts sleeping through the night.  I brought Emily Grace to our bed and started feeding her. We have our routine. I put a washcloth over her shoulder and under her neck ( bibs just don't go high enough to catch the milk before it runs down on her neck ) , put on the nipple shield and we're good to go. Then as she eats I play with her hair, or sing to her.  I was struck again last night by how much I love this little girl.  A mother's love is so different from any other kind of love. When I think that this little girl is a product of Doug's and mine's love it's overwhelming.  It fills me from head to toe and spills out. I think I understand better now why parents want to keep their children close to them and why it's hard to let them go. The idea of letting Emily go one day hurts, I want to keep her safe and close to me.  She's my perfect little angel.  I want all the best things for her.  My one year anniversary is coming up. I remember my mom crying when I was done getting dressed in my wedding dress. At the time I started crying too because I was so happy and I know she was too, but now , even though I've only been a mom for a little while, I think I understand  it's hard to hand your daughter over for someone else to take care of.  I'm glad I won't have to do that for a long time still.  My goal as a mom isn't to be perfect, it's just to make sure Emily knows how much I love her.